Broken Hallelujah
by Precious Pup
Summary: Angsty sad poss unrequited Tony/Tim. Tony is watching McGee after finishing an undercover operation with him and realises how much he has changed since he joined the team. Tim is having some trouble dealing with the aftermath.One shot now extended
1. Chapter 1

Tony quietly slipped into the hotel room McGee had made his own over the last week of the undercover operation. A mans lone voice soared soft and low in a heart wrenching ballad, the music from the surround sound stereo the only one in the large expensively furnished room.

_Baby I've been here before  
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew ya_

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
But love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
_

Tony stood just inside the doorway and all his plans for teasing McGee fell away when he saw the solitary figure leaning, arm up against the edge of the window staring out into the bright neon filled night.

He had been ready to face Probie McGee, the young, wide eyed agent and comfort him with distractions and jokes and teasing as he had done a dozen times before. If Tony was lucky he might get a knee pat and a shoulder squeeze in as well.

He had planned to spend the night waxing lyrical to McGee about one made up undercover story to another and slip just enough truth in amongst the lies to keep them both happy.

What Tony saw before him wasn't the stuttering nervous probational agent but the man that had slowly slid in behind his eyes and gradually replaced him. The man still staring into the darkness unaware of his presence was six foot one of experienced seasoned field agent. Timothy McGee.

It wasn't only the sudden realization that McGee had changed beneath his very gaze which held Tony's tongue. It was the way he stood tall, lean and still as he studied the mysteries of the night, a double shot of whisky over ice nursed in his other hand.

To see McGee so still after all his constant quirks, frowns and sweet puzzlements and with the prop not of a computer mouse but of hard liquor in his hand seemed so out of character to the sweet gentle young man Tony had gradually come to love desperately.

It was only Tony's own years of experience in studying the man in front of him which made him notice the fine tremble McGee had in his left hand which caused the ice to catch the light as they clinked against each other.

He had never looked more beautiful. Or more vulnerable.

Tony suddenly didn't want this man, this stranger to turn around and look at him. The eyes would reveal all and if they held revulsion or despair or pain of any kind Tony didn't know if he could handle it other than to fling himself at Tim's feet and beg his forgiveness. Forgive him for sacrificing him to the job and what needed to be done.

_It's not a cry that you hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

McGee..no the man in front of him deserved more. Timothy had saved the undercover operation. He had saved him.

Tony was as usual lead and McGee was back up. They went in with McGee as junior partner to Tony's dodgy wheeler dealer to meet the Laylan brothers.

They had all read and memorized the files on these two and just to get a face to face meeting with them had taken weeks of work. While they knew both Laylan boys were bisexual and went about their business a little differently and violently from most they hadn't expected Shane Laylan to claim interest in Tony from the very beginning.

Tony watched coolly as Shane slid his hand up his thigh and with a wink and a grin led them through into another room to meet his brother Bradley, the decision maker of the duo.

As discussions started and ghosted around anything they could actually use and the empty glasses started piling up on the table Tony was becoming increasingly nervous at Shane's attention.

Tony was wired. McGee was not.

Looking back Tony had to admit relief when McGee diverted Shane's attention with a well timed pout and a husky "There is more than one of us interested in what you've got to offer"

Shane had been surprised but after giving McGee the once over had diverted his attentions to the one with 'The Saints eyes and a Sinners mouth'.

Soon though Tony wanted nothing more than to get what they wanted and get the hell out as Shane started taking liberties as he became increasingly drunk, touching, tasting, squeezing, pinching tender flesh and generally mauling McGee as he sat beside Tony.

Tony knew Gibbs listening in couldn't really tell what was happening and instead tried to concentrate on getting Bradley to tell them what they needed to know.

Tony had been stunned initially with how well Tim seemed to be handling Shane's attentions. A heavy lidded sultry smirk there, a lick of the lips there helped keep Shane occupied and out of Tony's hair. Soon though Tony could see the increasing panic behind Tim's familiar eyes that was hidden by a flirty laugh or a further swallow of drink as Shane kept pushing at every boundary Tim owned.

It wasn't long before Shane was practically molesting Tim beside him and every inch of ground Tim politely or cleverly re gained was lost a moment later by Shane's rampaging hands.

The touch of Tim's hands, the taste of his neck, and the feel of his body close to him had been something Tony had come to long for and this man was simply taking it as some sort of free sample. A perk of the arrangement.

Tony had wanted to haul him off Tim's lap where he had pinned him by climbing astride his thighs and punch him through the nearest wall.

But he couldn't let his rage and anger show. So he had simply grinned and rolled his eyes at Shane's antics….and sacrificed his sweet gentle Timothy to the High and Mighty Gods of Law Enforcement.

Tony had slipped his hand under the edge of the table to touch Tim's and try and judge if he was really all right. Tim had grabbed his hand like he was drowning and hadn't let go as Shane slipped his hands further down Tim's shirt heading for his pants. It had been the white knuckle squeeze of Tim's hand that had told Tony how close he was to losing it and forcibly removing Shane's wet wanting mouth from his skin. Tim's own mouth had been silent though other than a surprised pained gasp as he was cruelly pinched and prodded and his expressive eyes became shuttered as he struggled to allow Tony a chance to get what they needed.

_There was a time when you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show that to me do ya?_

Tony shuddered at the memory and wanted nothing more then to stand behind Tim, slip his hands around his waist and rest his head on his shoulder. He could give him silent comfort and nuzzle into his sweet smelling hair, trailing gentle undemanding kisses down his sensitive neck.

But it was the touch of a man that was making Tim stand so silent. The cruel demanding touch of another that was making Tim's' hand shake. If Tony had ever needed an answer to how Tim might respond after all these years to his masculine touch then the sight of Tim's eyes as they caught his worried glance over Shane's shoulder was enough to leave no doubt.

Revulsion. Fear. Anger.

Once Tony would have considered it his duty to question McGee. His right as Senior Agent to make sure that he was essentially ok. But Tony sighed at the stranger who held his heart and knew he didn't have it in him tonight to lie to him, the way he must.

And if he couldn't lie what could he say? I'm sorry things went that far? I tried to do what I could? I hope you will forgive me? You did a good job and we are all safer for it?

_Well, maybe there's a God above  
But all I've ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya_

Tony hadn't held out much hope that Tim's envious and admiring gaze as a younger co worker would ever turn into the soft desire of a lover. But now?

He would never risk what he did have with Tim only to face those expressive eyes again and have that glance directed at him.

Revulsion. Fear. Anger.

_I did my best it wasn't much _

_I couldn't feel so I tried to touch_

_I've told the truth,_

_I didn't come to fool you_

When Bradley finally threw back his head and laughed telling Shane to take it 'out back' Tony had been about to reach across the table and break his face. If Tim would have let go of his hand. Fortunately the next words out of Bradley's mouth had been to tell him where the pick up for the stolen missiles would be.

In under a minute the club had been stormed and Bradley and Shane placed under arrest. When Tony lost McGee in the confusion of the shouting and the movement, Gibbs had signaled to him with a shake of his head.

Not now.

McGee had made it to the fire escape before throwing up as the fear and anxiety over took him.

And now the last of the old McGee had been swept away and replaced with this tall still, silent man who drank his demons away.

Anything Tony had been going to say seemed foolish, obvious or ridiculous. Tim already knew Tony wished it had been different. He already knew that Tony would have got him out of there if he had asked. Tim knew Tony praised him and considered the catch of the Layland brothers as Tim's score.

It was what Tony couldn't say to him that had brought him to this room at this time of night.

I love you.

And now he knew without a doubt it was something he could never tell him.

Tony turned and slipped silently back out of the door, leaving just the tiniest click as the only evidence he was there as Tim stood alone with his thoughts.

_And even though it all went wrong_

_I'll stand before the lord of Song_

_With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah_

_(The next part is this scene from Tims point of view. Sigh. Precious)_


	2. Chapter 2

Tim stood at the window and looked out into the bright neon filled night and tried to let the cold silence creep into his heart and still his shaking hands. The longer he stood there it seemed like a sort of Zen meditation and he was loath to break the spell as he stood and tried to absorb the familiar uncomplicated visions of the increasingly blurry city lights as they danced in front of his eyes.

_Well it goes like this  
The fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall and the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

He had failed.

He was weak.

After years of waiting he had finally had his chance. He had wanted so much to show everyone that he could handle the unexpected that came with going undercover. He wanted to show his skill in more than the ordered and neatly controlled binary world of code. No he could handle himself out in the real world.

And he had failed.

_Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof…_

Tim could still taste the acidic bite of bile and stomach acid in his mouth long after he has rinsed his mouth and brushed his teeth. It seemed the only thing that could dissolve the taste was the whisky in his hand as it burned its way through his mouth.

Gibbs had seen him throw up. Gibbs had seen him act just like the 'Probie' he really was. As soon as the scenario got a little off plan and a little off center he practically freaked. Instead of showing them how much he had changed he had simply reinforced his lack of skill. God knows when he would be asked undercover again.

Tim felt bitter and he swallowed more of the burning whisky and let its overwhelming smell and taste lure him to the glow of the lights.

Rain.

It looked like it might rain soon. Tiny little drops were hitting the window and it was getting colder. His warm slow breaths were starting to fog up the glass.

He should move. He needed a shower. A hot shower to cleanse and burn away his skin. He could still taste the man on his tongue and feel his rough hands on his soft skin. He knew he would have a bruising dark hicky on his neck tomorrow and something about that revolted him. He had been marked. Marked for his failure. Marked by a man. A murderer.

He would sit in the Bullpen tomorrow and they would go over the case making sure it was all locked away and they would see. It was too big and high up to be covered up with a closed collar and tie. Oh no it couldn't be that simple. They would all talk and smile encouragingly but when he wasn't looking they would all look at how he had been marked.

Tim shuddered.

He could smell the stale stench of cigarette smoke and dried sweat underneath Shane's expensive cologne. He knew when he did finally undress that he would be covered in tiny scratches from the sharp edges of Shane's trim nails as he teased and tormented him while he had smirked and encouraged his advances. He knew he would have bruises on his thighs where he was pinched and prodded, his sensitive skin never responding well to force.

His jaw felt scratched and raw from the rough stubble of Shane's whiskers as he had nuzzled into his face and neck. Stubble rash. Tim wasn't exactly pleased to have now added it to his list of experiences.

He had wanted to be so confident and cocky, just like Tony was. When Shane had first turned his attention to him, that was what he had done. He had become Tony. Flirty and confident in any situation. But then had come that moment when he knew he couldn't continue on and that Shane wanted far more from him than he was willing to give.

Images of what Shane had done had started flashing into Tim's mind as they kissed. Broken bodies, missing husbands, anonymous accounts, stolen lives, tearful children, blood soaked clothes. One after the other flashed up and appeared on the back of his closed eyelids like a horror film he could not close his eyes to. It wasn't the fact that Shane was a man but who that man truly was that made Tim want to gag and he swallowed deeply to try and control his body and its responses.

Shane the disgusting, violent, arrogant, multiple murderer whose blood stained hands where traveling down his twisting belly towards the waist band of his pants………

_And it's not a cry that you hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

He had wanted to show Tony how it was done and in the end it was Tony's touch that had saved him. Tim had felt Tony's hand under the edge of the table reassuring him just as it became too much and suddenly he knew he would be ok. He wasn't alone and Tony would look after him. He had clutched at Tony's hand like it was the only thing that would save his soul from damnation.

He hadn't even been able to do that alone.

Tony got the information. He got the collar and managed to help his pathetic protégé through the situation as well. Again.

He was probably somewhere in the Hotel bar laughing it up and celebrating somewhere, catching peanuts in his mouth, flirting with some waitress and being clapped on the back with that dizzyingly bright smile on his handsome face.

_Baby I've been here before  
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew ya_

Tim didn't want to think why Tony's touch had calmed him like a skittish horse. How it had seemed to lend him strength from its warmth and its strength. For an instant Tim hated Tony. Hated the man and all that he meant to him.

How could someone as bold and brave as Tony care for someone as mild and pathetic as he was? It was ridiculous and wasn't worth even wasting a thought over.

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
But love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

It was ridiculous really. It wasn't like he was facing down a gun. It hadn't been a hostage situation. No one had been shot or killed. A man had been attracted to him and he had distracted him until they had been able to get the information they had come for. Simple. And yet here he was gut churning with anxiety and loss as he mourned ……mourned? Mourned what? What was affecting him so badly? What was it really?

The sweet comfort of Tony sliding his warm strong hand into his …..

And then the sudden yearning was gone leaving Tim staring out desolately at the heavy rain now pounding against the window and turning the lights into trembling puddles of color.

Once he moved the spell would be broken and everything else would start. He would shower, he would vomit again this time from the drink, he could cry softly, despairingly at himself and wonder why he couldn't be harder or stronger. Then he would sleep poorly and report back at NCIS head quarters to return back to his old life.

And so he didn't move and continued to look out at the night, hesitant to blink and break the spell of stillness that held him for this moment safe.

He didn't even hear the tiny click of the door as Tony left.

_And even though it all went wrong  
I'll stand before the lord of Song  
With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah_

_(_

_(One of my personal favourites. I hoped you liked to...well you know liked in a sad sort of way.Precious)_


	3. Chapter 3

Tony suddenly stopped talking as he watched as McGee walk off the lift with his head down, not meeting any of their eyes.

"Here Boss" Tim quietly dropped a folded piece of paper onto Gibbs desk before turning and heading for his own desk. Tony watched with concerned eyes as Tim booted up his computer, cleared his throat and buried himself in some paperwork.

Tony clenched his jaw as once again Tim reached up and rubbed unconsciously at the large dark bruise on the side of his neck. After three days it was turning purple and green and seemed to delight in making itself as obvious as possible.

Tony hated it. He hated how it had happened and he hated the lost look Tim got in his eyes when he instinctively rubbed at it, as if he could somehow make it go away. He hated the flush of shame Tim's face wore when he watched others eyes drift across curiously to look at it.

Tim sat hunched hiding behind his computer monitor trying to make his tall frame seem as small as possible.

Tony's eyes flicked across to Gibbs desk and burned into the piece of paper as if he could magically read what it said from across the room. He glanced at Gibbs hoping for some sort of reaction but there wasn't even a flicker.

Damn it. Gibbs knew what it was without even reading it. He had been expecting it.

Tony opened his mouth to say something when Gibbs almost imperceptibly shook his head and quickly looked across at McGee before returning his gaze to Tony.

Tony shut his mouth and with a bustle of papers and some rambling segue he took Gibbs' hint loud and clear. Not now.

Tony sat at his desk and felt suddenly uncertain. What if it was Tim's resignation? They all could see he was having some trouble processing some of what happened during their undercover op. He was sad, jumpy and he had even returned to wearing some of his old yet familiar ugly suit and ties.

Leaning back in his chair Tony felt his gut churn. What if it was his fault? Should he have seen McGee's distress and just got him out of there? He wanted to comfort him but even his classic teasing and jokes and commando touches seemed inappropriate when dealing with someone who had almost been sexually assaulted.

With his trademark moves all useless Tony realized how essentially empty and shallow his interactions with Tim had been. He spent so much time covering up his attraction for him that he really hadn't let much of anything else through.

No wonder Tim didn't trust him enough to talk to him.

To hold him.

And now he was going to loose him.


	4. Chapter 4

Rage? Who the hell was this shrink to tell him he had problems with unexpressed rage? Arsehole. He was Timothy McGee. He was NICE Damn it. Everyone knew that. Everyone liked him and he was polite and pleasant. He wasn't some angry psychopath who was going to turn on his team. How dare some jumped up little man in an office deny him going back into the field because he had some supposed issues expressing his anger? What the fuck? He did NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH FUCKING RAGE!

Tim shifted in his seat and instinctively tightened his tie, hunching his body in even tighter as if he could somehow physically restrain the thoughts roiling through his mind.

Ok so maybe there was something going on.

His eyes slipped again to the piece of paper on Gibbs' desk declaring that he was currently unfit for field duty and felt shame quickly followed by anger flush through him. Damn It! He had worked so hard to get here and now it was all FUCKED UP!

Tim bit his lip. The jumped up little man was right. It was getting worse. He just wasn't sure what to do about it. The more he tried to control it and suppress it the more angry he seemed to become. But if he let it out? What would he do? In fact how do you let something like that out? He wasn't even sure what it was at the bottom of it all. And to be honest he was afraid to find out.

And so days past and he slowly felt like a child's toy being slowly wound tighter and tighter. He was back to his buttoned up shirts and ugly suits as they at least restricted him more than his recent jeans and sports jackets. He couldn't relax enough to sleep well which was affecting his thinking so his mind seemed to just run in circles. Around and around and around…..

Tim was sure that he looked pathetic to the rest of the team. All the things they had been through and they came out fine. One little undercover op for him and he goes all to pieces. He hated himself. Weak pathetic probie. He could hear the taunts in his ears somehow just beyond his reach.

Dr Marks the jumped up little shrink said it was _because_ he was such a nice person that he was having so much trouble. He wasn't accustomed to processing such anger and didn't have the experience to deal with it. Even when Kate died he had been despairing and upset and sort of lost but he had been in too much shock to be angry. What anger there was was directed outwards, at Ari, at finding a way to stop him.

And they did.

There was also a sort of helplessness he couldn't figure out. Dr Jacobs compared it to sexual assault cases and a sense of being forced against his will. He had tried to explain over and over again that it wasn't like that at all. He could have got up and walked. Anytime. It would have blown everything and set his career back and put Tony at risk and lost the respect of his team and…….. but he could have done it. Ok so he felt trapped and helpless. And that made him angry. Helpless? He was a Federal Agent for Gods Sake!

Tim found himself staring at the bottle of Jack Daniels he had stashed in his top cupboard in case Gibbs ever decided to pop over. It was a be prepared kind of thing and one day he wanted to surprise him by casually offering him a glass as if it was no big deal and the bottle hadn't been sitting there for years for just such a purpose.

The fact that he sat there for hours and looked at the liquor and told himself that it was a very bad idea to drink it even if it helped him sleep and forget all the thoughts running through his mind and how his stomach burned from anxiety disturbed him. Wasn't that just as bad as actually drinking it, this arguing with himself about the pros and cons until he fell into an exhausted sleep in his chair?

Besides rage? Who was going to take him seriously with his young stupid baby face and big stupid puppy dog eyes as being someone who might fly into some sort of violent rage? Please they would probably laugh at him.

Laugh until they got his fist in their mouth anyway.

Tim sank even further down into his chair hoping no one would ask him anything too confrontational, like what he might like for lunch or did he read that funny email Tony had sent him? He had been trying not to meet anyone's eyes if he could help it as they always gave him away. Stupid eyes. He would prefer they thought of him as quiet and pathetic rather than some crazed rabid dog that foamed at the mouth.

Still they would know soon enough and then he didn't know what he would do. A case would come up and Gibbs would call for his team. All except him. He would have to stay here and do the desk work because he couldn't be trusted emotionally to make the right sorts of decisions in case it put his team at risk.

As if he would do that? He would NEVER put his team at risk. That was part of the problem that seemed to have got him here in the first place. He wouldn't have put Tony at risk no matter what happened to him. But now Tony would be going out into the field without someone to watch his back. And Tony always needed someone to watch his back as he was always taking risks. Risks that he would never take but they always turned out well for him because he was Anthony Fucking DiNozzo and he could do no bloody wrong!

Tim's mind completed the first angry circle for the day as he seethed and wrestled with himself to try and achieve at least from the outside a sort of calm appearance.

These daily sessions with the Doctor just seemed to stir him up instead of calming him down. Tim felt tired and upset and he didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry and so he stayed silent and stuffed the anger further down.

Just what the fuck was he going to do?

_(I must admit I love angry McGee. I know this is taking me a while to update but there is at least one more chapter. This was a one shot that keeps singing to me amongst my other work. Do please review and let me know what you think. Precious)_


	5. Chapter 5

_There was a time when you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show that to me do ya?_

Tony hesitated as he stood outside Timothy McGee's apartment. Why was he here? The images that he had been fighting against all afternoon flashed again into his mind.

Tony stood in the concealing dark of Observation and watched Tim slowly seductively slide his hand up Bobby Danforth's strong muscular thigh………

"_Bobby……….Come on you can tell me………. I already know. I saw you watching me in the elevator………There is no need to be afraid………..You can trust me…."_

The whispered breathless yet slightly rough voice Tony had never heard before from Tim taunted him, curling around his innards and squeezing as he stood and watched his arms clenched tightly across his chest.

"_You told us you were with Linda at the time of the murder. That you were lovers but I know for a fact that can't be true. You might be her friend…….but her lover? I don't think so …..Bobby. Do you want to know why I know that?"_

Tim's bedroom voice so quiet it was barely picked up by the microphones as he lured and seduced.

"_You're a very attractive man Bobby. It must be hard for you to resist all the time. To hide yourself away to protect your reputation……"_

The demure swoosh of long curled eyelashes as Tim coyly teased and enticed the bedazzled Mr Danforth.

_I like you Bobby……I'm sure you can tell…I don't want you to go to jail. Jail is a dangerous place for men like you and me. But if you don't tell us the truth that is where you will go. That's all we want. The truth……Bobby…._

The slow arousing wet trail the tip of Tim's tongue made as he licked up Bobby's neck while the helpless man shuddered and whimpered gripping the table before him…………

"_You see how you tempt me Bobby? You're a dangerous man and Linda knows that. She is trying to use you to save herself…."_

The curl of Tim's full soft bottom lip as he nibbled on Bobby's ear while Bobby pleaded ignorance ….and simultaneously instinctively tipped his head to the side for more, his eyes shut, his breath hitching.

"_I'm sure you didn't expect this to go this far. Did you? You knew she hadn't done it. She was your friend…….."_

The ownership Tim claimed of Bobby's shirt buttons sliding first one then another out of their confines, his hand circling and caressing the slowly revealed flesh.

"_We have to be careful …..you and I……I understand that. I'm a Federal Agent and you're a Navy Commander. Times may have changed but not that much. I understand Bobby….what you go through everyday…."_

Tim's fingers as they curled and twisted at the nape of Bobby's short hair as Tim leaned in his mouth slightly open and wanting, his eyes heavy lidded and sultry and…..

The sharp dry voice of Fornell as it sliced through Tony's growing arousal.

"Well I don't remember FLETCH teaching _that_ interrogation technique in any classes I went to."

Gibbs snorted in agreement and the moment was lost. Tony blinked and Ziva nudged him encouraging him to shut his mouth which was hanging open.

"Are you sure this is ok? McGee isn't going to flip out on him or anything is he? I know he hasn't been cleared for field duty and I'm still amazed you let him go in there." Fornell frowned at Gibbs uncertain at the recent turn of events.

Gibbs just smirked "_Technically_ interrogation isn't field duty. He's doing fine. None of this is admissible anyway after your boys screwed the pooch Tobias. But maybe if Linda knows she doesn't have her pit bull in her corner anymore she might buckle. We might get the whole house of cards to come down if we are lucky and Bobby admits he wasn't there. Still when McGee asked to go in and talk to him I didn't think this would be how he would go about it."

"He has been a bit…..on edge……since the Laylan Brothers case." Ziva's voice broke into the silence defensively.

Tony just watched confused, aroused and isolated from the talk swirling around him.

Timothy McGee was seducing a suspect. A man. On purpose.

And he was heartbreakingly good at it. Tony allowed himself a brief vision of Tim's clever fingertips delicately, slowly sliding across his own collar bone before he snapped himself out of it as he felt himself physically respond, his pants tightening.

That was strictly never allowed. Not at work.

Tony concentrated until he was back under control again closing his eyes against the visions taunting him on the other side of the glass.

Tony's eyes snapped open as a new voice made itself heard.

"_She asked me to say that I was there…She said she had been out but she couldn't prove it. She was desperate and …and I owed her so much. So I said yes."_

Gibbs turned to Fornell and grinned.

"Well it's something to work with at least"

Tony stared through the glass at Tim's triumphant grin his arm still draped around Bobby shoulders.

_I did my best it wasn't much_

_I couldn't feel so I tried to touch_

_I've told the truth,_

_I didn't come to fool you_

And now here he stood outside Tim's apartment. He had so many questions burning through him he felt afraid. But it was the hope that was killing him.

Was he here as a friend? To see if McGee was alright? Or was it for another reason? Did Tim know he was seducing Tony through the glass as much as he was the suspect? Did Tim know how his heart had leapt at the idea that just maybe Tim might consider the touch of a man not as revolting as he had thought? Or had it been purely about the case? About doing what needed to be done? About proving himself once again to his team?

Tony stood silently in the corridor, the minutes ticking by and knew that he couldn't continue on without knowing what was going on in Timothy McGee's head.

And his heart.

Tony knocked.

(

_(I hope Im maintaining the intensity of the first two chapters as i love those. Looking at two more chapters to go? The one shot that keeps on talking. Thanks for those letting me know your reading. Precious)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Now I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played, and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
_

Tim sat in silence and listened to Jeff Buckley's voice swirl around his apartment, the smooth masculine voice in counterpoint to the constant gentle pitter patter of the rain hitting his apartment windows.

The song ended and after a minutes silence started up again on repeat. Tim sipped from the double shot of straight whiskey he nursed in his hand, the fiery warmth gently spreading through his body as he slowly relaxed deeper into his chair finally dropping his head to rest on the back of the chair.

_It goes like this  
The fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall, the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah  
_

He sat alone in his worn chair listening to the patterns in the rain wearing his comfy grey sweat pants, favorite worn soft MIT t- shirt and thick white socks.

It seemed so silly now how he had wrestled with himself about ……well everything. He had never appreciated his own peace of mind before and now he was savoring it. The whisky felt sharp to his senses but tasted smooth and so much sweeter than the taste of bile and saliva that had been his constant companion for days. He felt the great knots of twisted anxiety ease from around his shoulders and the doubts and regrets slowing releasing themselves from his stomach. The terror of impending violence eased from his mind as the reactive fight or flight instinct switched itself off and allowed him to relax.

Tim slowly swirled the whiskey around in its glass and studied the evaporation as the liquor danced over the ice.

And where had this great sense of peace come from? The medication to help him sleep? The counseling sessions? The support of his friends and team? The endless hours of self justification and analysis? The whiskey?

No

Timothy McGee had taken control of his life by seducing a man.

So simple really in some ways. And eternally complex in others.

Tim remembered the rush of power he felt as he realized how under his spell Commander Danforth was. In that moment he could change this mans life for the better and keep him out of jail if he could just get him to trust him.

And he had done it.

He had done it without guns or force or violence. He had used only the touch of his body, the sound of his voice and the lure of his words.

Timothy McGee was no helpless victim. He was a Special Agent for NCIS. And a damn good one at that.

Tim sat in his chair and studied his hand. No trembling. He tilted the glass slightly and watched the ice clink against the sides of the glass through the amber liquid. The bottle of Jack Daniels was back up on his top kitchen shelf and he knew he had no desire to pour himself anymore when this glass emptied. No it would await Gibbs eventual arrival as originally planned.

With a slight crack Tim rolled his shoulders, stretching slightly before settling his long limbs back into relaxed stillness and allowing his mind to wander.

The Laylan Brothers case was complete. Even though the case had been completed and the paperwork filed weeks ago only now did it finally feel resolved. Put simply between him and Tony they had done their jobs and now Shane and Bradley waited in jail for their trial dates. They wouldn't be a danger to anyone else because of what he and Tony had done.

Tim recognized now what had seemed ridiculous before. He had done the best he could in a strange situation and he had learned from the process.

That was all anyone could ask of him.

Tim suddenly grinned as a wave of surprise hit him again at his actions that afternoon.

He had been so confident. He had been completely in control. He had teased and taunted. He had _licked_ up Commander Danforth's neck and felt him shudder with restrained desire. Where the hell had that come from?

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
_

He had even used some of the moves that Shane had forced on him. Oh yes he had learned alright but where Shane had been cruel and demanding Tim had tailored his seduction towards the tempting and alluring. He had caught Commander Danforth's slight assessing look and the tiniest hint of a curious smile in the elevator earlier that day. At first he hadn't thought anything of it but then he recognized what it was. What it meant.

Suddenly the implications of what that truth might mean to the case and to Linda's alibi had him contemplating what once would have been unthinkable.

How could he prove his theory? His gut instinct?

The thought of explaining to Gibbs left him feeling uncertain and almost nauseous. Hey Gibbs I think Commander Danforth is secretly gay…and I also believe he is attracted to me. Do you think I could somehow use that to break down Linda's alibi?

When he had finally asked Gibbs in Observation if he could speak to the Commander he wasn't sure if Gibbs would agree. He hadn't gone into specifics about what he was going to do either mostly because he wasn't sure if he could go through it. When Gibbs had nodded he had turned immediately towards the door not wanting Gibbs to see the terror etched across his face.

How on earth did you go about specifically seducing anyone, let alone a male navy Commander?

But then after the initial preliminaries he found himself crouched next to Bobby, inviting his confidence, smiling sweetly into the anxious mans eyes and boldly running his hand up his warm thigh. Bobby's breath had hitched but he didn't throw him against the wall either so Tim had continued the slow, gentle sweep up, the words spilling confidently from his mouth.

It was then that Tim found himself thinking of Tony, trying to channel his confidence and easy sexual grace. He had seen Tony flirting with woman more times than he could count and he was always so strong and confident in his own desirability. That confidence was perhaps his most attractive quality, along with his cheeky grin.

The thought that Tony was watching him, his bumbling Probie from behind the glass in Observation simply inspired a more lascivious performance. Undoubtedly Tony was going to give him grief for this so he better make sure it worked. There was no point holding back now. It was sex god or bust from here on in.

It was as he nibbled on the Commanders ear, whispering confidences and promises of safety that he noticed the rich smell of unfamiliar aftershave. There was an instant where Tim found himself wondering what Tony would smell like that close? Warm? Masculine? Spicy? And then as Tim licked his lips and slowly dragged his teeth across his full bottom lip while Bobby watched fascinated he found himself wondering what Tony would _taste _like? Salty? Soft? Like coffee?

It was Tony's fine Italian shirt Tim was visualizing as he stood behind Bobby and slid his hand around his collar and started undoing the top two buttons one by one claiming his skin with his sensitive fingertips.

Tim sat in his chair and considered the cracks in his white ceiling paint.

That was normal right? So he had a bit of a hero worship thing going on with Tony. The man had taught him a lot and he knew that Tim admired him for all the qualities he didn't possess himself. Tim was modeling himself on Tony that was all, trying to learn from him, to become a better agent.

Besides when it came to seduction he didn't know anyone better to emulate than Tony. Even if he was using his moves on a man.

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
But love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
__  
_

When Bobby had finally broken Tim had felt nothing but relief. His wild gamble had paid off and he found himself grinning and searching the mirrored glass for the face he knew he couldn't see to share his excitement.

Gibbs had even clapped him on the back when he joined the rest of the team in Observation. Tim felt his jubilation sour as he remembered the look on Tony's face afterward. That was the only thing that had dulled his triumph. Tony hadn't been able to hide his shock and his revulsion. He had felt Tony's eyes curiously following him all afternoon as if he had somehow shed his skin and revealed some strange new creature underneath. Well perhaps he had? Perhaps this new Timothy McGee could walk on the wild side a little and come back not so burned next time.

And if Tony couldn't handle it well then that was his problem.

_You say I took the name in vain  
I don't even know the name  
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?  
_

Loosing Tony's respect left a bitter taste in his mouth and Tim found himself trying not to dwell on it. He wasn't really sure he had Tony's respect _before_ all this. There had always been a strange sort of distance between them. As if just as he got close Tony would always pull out the jokes and the teasing as if to put him back into his place as the underling, the junior agent.

But times had changed and he wasn't the shy Probational Agent from Norfolk anymore.

Perhaps this was what growing up was all about? Choosing to let some people go and embrace others? Perhaps Tony was destined to drift away until he eventually became simply an acquaintance, a work colleague?

Sure he could still work with Tony but what he wanted was to be more than that. He wanted to be his friend. He wanted to know what made Tony tick and why sometimes when he thought no one was looking he would have that soft smile on his face. It was a smile he never saw him use with anything else and Tim had never had the guts to ask Tony what he was thinking about when he saw it.

_It's not a cry that you hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
_

_  
_The rain seemed to be easing outside, the gentle staccato of the drops against the glass becoming more intermittent. The apartment also seemed to feel colder and Tim considered getting up and pulling on a sweat shirt_. _That effort for now seemed too much and Tim remained sunk deep in his chair staring out into space as the song quietly looped again in the background.

_There's a blaze of light  
In every word  
It doesn't matter which you heard  
The holy or the broken Hallelujah  
_

There was a hesitant soft knock at the door and with a long suffering sigh at his peace being disturbed Tim stood, placed his drink on the desk and went to answer it.


	7. Chapter 7

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
But love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
_

"Abby!"

Tim answered the door with surprise and Abby grinned at him before pushing eagerly past him.

"Well I had figured the man who could seduce a confession might be dressed a little sexier than t-shirt and sweats McGee"

Tim rolled his eyes before frowning at her as Abby sat down in his comfortable and only recently vacated chair.

"What do you want Abby?" Tim stood tall and firm prepared to boot her out of his apartment if she gave him any trouble.

"Well I must say this whole Alpha male thing seems to suit you Timmy. I heard all about it this afternoon, it got everyone at headquarters talking and I wanted to see how you were going. I didn't know if you were going to be freaked out about it or not. But it appears it has actually cheered you up as you haven't been this annoying in weeks."

Abby grinned cheerfully at Tim from his chair and he couldn't help smiling back at her. She was a force of nature and it was difficult to be cross with her.

"Now shoo go get some decent clothes on. We are going to go out of this apartment and get some dinner and see a movie. I know for a fact you have been spending too many hours moping around staring at nothing for your own good."

Tim took in a deep breath ready to refuse and then he expelled it in a huff. Why not? It's not like he had any plans. He turned and padded towards his bedroom silently in his socks already considering what he should wear. He should probably have a shower first if they were going to dinner as well. And a shave.

Abby waived him enthusiastically towards his bedroom while calling up the cinema search on his computer to check the movie screening times.

Sometime later Tim popped his head around the door while he quickly dried his hair with a towel.

"Any luck?" he called

Abby looked thoughtful "There are a couple of options. It depends on how long it takes us to eat so you better hurry up McGee and get some clothes on….."

Tim's head promptly disappeared back into his room as he considered the horror of Abby stomping in there and selecting clothes for him to wear herself.

There was a soft hesitant knock on the door.

"I'll get it" Abby called out and went to answer it.

_well your faith was strong but you needed proof  
you saw her bathing on the roof _

_her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you  
she tied you to her kitchen chair  
she broke your throne and she cut your hair  
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah_

"Tony! Oh this is perfect timing! You can come to the movies with me and McGee. We will need someone to split the vote anyway. Come in, come in"

Tony looked briefly devastated before hiding it behind one of his practiced DiNozzo smiles.

"Uh Hi Abby"

Abby hustled Tony in who looked more than surprised at Abby being the one to answer the door. At that moment Tim walked out of his room wearing his expensive blue jeans, funky collared shirt and navy jacket with his hair freshly washed and dried.

"Oh. Hi Tony" Tim stopped as he saw Tony standing in his living room and Tony felt nervous. All the wind had been sucked out of his sails and he found himself staring at McGee and trying to remember all the things he had been going to say to him just moments ago.

_And even though  
It all went wrong  
I'll stand before the Lord of Song  
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah_

Tim genuinely smiled at his partner. So Tony had realized he had been a bit freaked out after watching him in Interrogation and he had come over to talk to him about it? Maybe apologize for all the staring this afternoon? Perhaps he was here to just make sure he was ok? Either way Tim felt his heart lift a little. Perhaps Tony did want to be good friends and not just partners. Maybe Tony just wasn't very good at it and didn't know how to bring the barriers down?

Tim extended the palm frond.

"Would you like to come to the movies with us Tony? We were thinking about dinner before hand as well but if you have plans….?" Tim trailed off considering that perhaps Tony had a date later.

Tony suddenly came to life "Oh no I don't have plans. That would be great actually. I was going to suggest something similar actually. That's why I'm here. You know check out how Casanova here was doing."

And with a grin at Abby the old Tony was suddenly back and Tim laughed as he gathered up his keys and wallet.

"You know what? I think I'm really getting the hang of this undercover stuff. Now I know you're going to tease me about being gay and how it's ok to be a guy who likes guys so feel free to get it all out of your system tonight. Go nuts. But after tonight I don't want to hear another word about it. Ok Tony?"

Tony opened his mouth and then a look Tim didn't recognize crossed his face.

"No I won't tease you about it Tim. Not tonight. You did good in there"

Tony was earnest and his voice was quiet.

Tim stopped short and looked at Tony with a puzzled look on his face.

"Really? I though you were..you know a bit freaked out by it. Me touching a guy..you know? You kept staring at me all afternoon like I had grown another head or something."

Tony smiled and shook his head " No just surprised that's all. You were …you were really good at it."

Tim grinned as he locked the door behind them.

"You know it was you I was thinking of when I was in there. I was trying to think of the most confident, sexy moves I could to convince Commander Danforth that I was gay as well. Convince him that I understood where he was at so he would trust me. In the end I kept thinking about your body language when you're trying to pick up and how you use your eyes and lower your voice. That teasing smile you have ……"

Tim rambled on as internally Tony reeled as he considered Tim using him as his model of seduction.

Tim turned to Tony confidently with a smirk and slung his arm across his shoulders as Abby skipped ahead of them down the pavement.

"You know I could teach you how to seduce a man if you like Tony? It would appear that I'm quite good at it. Then you could be the Probie for a change."

Tim nodded to himself grinning as if imparting a great secret to Tony.

And suddenly Tony laughed. He threw back his head and laughed as he put his own arm across Tim's shoulders.

Tim frowned at him and reaching across with his other arm poked him in the ribs.

"Hey don't laugh at me"

Tony smiled and wiped his eyes as they staggered companionably down the sidewalk.

"Oh I'm not laughing at _you_ McGee. I'm laughing at _me._"

"Huh?" Tim turned his puzzled sweet face back to Tony and it was all Tony could do not to kiss him there and then on the street.

Tony smiled across at McGee and poked him back in his soft stomach. Hard.

"Hey!" Tim objected and a small friendly wrestling match broke out between them as Tim tried to slap Tony's hands away.

"Come on you two! Hurry up or we will never make any of the sessions" Abby whined impatiently in front of them stamping her foot. Tim danced away from Tony and laughing caught up with Abby before pulling the movie session print out from her pocket.

Tony shook his head at himself as he trailed behind them and considered all he had learned about Timothy McGee in the last few weeks. Hell the last six hours had shaken him to his core. Perhaps McGee might not be the person he thought he was? He definitely wasn't the same shy Probie from five years ago anymore. He was a lot more than that.

Tim glanced over his shoulder and smiled, his eyes twinkling and Tony felt hope flare bright and painful in his chest. Yes things had changed. And perhaps one day there might be more between them than friendship.

And for now that would have to be enough.

Tony looked up from his bittersweet thoughts and smiled as he watched Abby and Tim arguing over what to see.

"Guys wait up! You know that I'm going to be the one to pick the movie"

_it's not a cry that you hear at night  
it's not somebody who's seen the light  
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

_(_

_(Ahhh bittersweet. Thanks for reading. I don't know what else to say. This chapter changed directions so many times. Precious)_


End file.
